Editor, The Times:
Have you been wondering what went on behind closed doors when Gerald Butts and Justin Trudeau were discussing Liberal strategy? Canadians can only guess, but perhaps it went something like this.
Gerald: “You have to remember how we are marketing you, Justin. You are a feminist, an environmentalist, a global leader, a LGBTQ booster, and an Indigenous reconciliation advocate.”
Justin: “Yeah, yeah, I know. I have to be everything Harper wasn’t. I create a gender-balanced cabinet. I establish a national carbon tax and then buy votes with the refund cheques. I nix BC’s northern pipeline and buy the southern one. I do whatever it takes to get a seat on the UN Security Council. I participate in gay parades and make at least one token Indigenous woman a high-profile minister. I can also make lots of progressive-sounding promises and not worry about balancing budgets. Oh yeah, and I have to get Lavalin off the hook.”
Gerald: “That’s it in a nutshell. But you’ve also got to act folksy, mix and mingle, sound sincere and keep a straight face while you’re making your promises.”
Justin: “Hell, I can do that! After all, I was a drama teacher before I became the Prime Minister of Canada. Gerry, do you know what I like best about this job?”
Justin: “I get to take lots of selfies!”