You may have picked up on the fact I call my editorials ‘Editorial Reflections’ for a reason. I’m in that reflective time of my life to be sure.
I have a little joke I share with younger parents often about empty nesting and how it felt when my own four ‘chicks’ were leaving, growing and flying away to do their own thing. I describe it like this… It hit me so hard when I suddenly realized how very quiet it was. No footballs skimming by my nose when I walked into the house after work as my boys tossed it back and forth in the living room. No more dirty socks laying around, notes on the table that read – “Mom, I need $5.00” or “Mom I have a basketball tournament tomorrow, can you iron my white shirt please?” or “Mom, I forgot, you have to sign this permission slip for the school trip” or “Hi Mom, sorry but I forgot it’s my turn to bring cookies this week.” No more special mother daughter dates to the thrift store, running a forgotten something to school. You get the drift. I was lost. I began thinking back on the woulda, shoulda, coulda stuff. Beating myself up over what I could have done better, how I should have given less lectures, gone to more games, worked a second job while going back to university to take journalism so they’d have had those brand name jeans and shoes. In short, I say, I see myself running down the road in their dust in my mind as they drive away yelling, “Wait, come back! I know how to do it now!”
There are no second chances once those years have flown by and they’ve driven away. I should have taken more photos, saved more money to leave them, made better choices, maybe not have put us all through so much sacrifice when I decided to go back to school at 42 with four teens at home. I drove the starting gate at Fraser Downs Raceway on nights, weekends and holidays for ten years and I kept doing that for the first year of full-time university studying in the front seat of the starting gate between races.
I quickly learned there was only so far, I could stretch myself before becoming utterly burned out and eased my way out of that job at last during the full-time second year of study. I returned to a management position at the track following graduating journalism for a number of years, taking a marketing path, working in TV for a bit, writing for a blues magazine and a national horse racing publication as the kids headed towards the door to their own life journeys. We should have gone camping, to concerts more or even just had a few more picnics at the beach.
Upon reflection, watching them as adults with their own careers and families now, they kind of raised me in many ways (and still are unbeknownst to them). I’m in observation mode more often than not now. I'm in awe of them and many other young parents watching as they nurture, guide, mentor and advise their own amazing kids. Being a grandmother to 10 is incredibly inspirational, and I’m trying to take more time to listen, absorb, hug and be biased in how brilliant each grandchild is as I take in their own way of looking at things when they share with me.
Time is ticking, nothing I can do to stop it so I’m accepting once again how important it is to make the most of each and every precious moment. That’s the true treasure – I’m rich in family, friends and authentic appreciation for every new memory made.
If you have something to share that you treasure or a bit of wisdom to impart, we’d love to hear from you. Email us at: hettie.buck@starjournal.net or editor@clearwatertimes.com
